The Sorting Hat
by Limited-Fantasy
Summary: The Avengers, Loki, Coulson, and Nick Fury discuss what houses they'd be sorted into if they were wizards from Harry Potter.


It was a snow day in New York City and none of the villains seemed willing to leave their lairs to go bother the city. The only villain that would actually enjoy frolicking in a blizzard was Loki and he'd decided to play nice for the day and lounge around the Avengers Mansion instead.

When interrogated earlier as to why he was lounging around the mansion in a green hoodie and a pair of jeans (which looked weird and frightening on a guy that usually wore stylish leather clothing or well-cut suits), Loki had simply threw his feet over one arm of the couch and replied, "I do what I want." And that was that.

Normally, this would make the Avengers wary, but Thor didn't seem concerned at all and Coulson was around along with Nick Fury to keep their eyes on the trickster.

What made that day weirder was when Loki flipped the channel to ABC where _Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone_ was playing. Thor was hooked immediately and so was Steve, while Loki looked really bored.

Eventually all the Avengers assembled in the living room, sipping hot cocoa while watching the first _Harry Potter _film. Coulson and Fury even walked in and stayed to watch.

When the film finished, Tony was the first to speak: "Say, if we were all magical wizards and all—stop rolling your eyes there, Loki, it's just a thought—what house do you think we'd all be in?"

"Slytherin, of course. Although I wouldn't be nearly as useless and incompetent as that Draco boy was if I wanted to ruin Potter's life," Loki replied, still looking very bored. Figures he would be the first to answer.

"Gryffindor, for it is the house of the brave and the best!" Thor answered predictably. Loki rolled his eyes.

"I hardly think Gryffindor is the 'best house', Thor, but it is fitting for someone as reckless as you."

"I'd be in Ravenclaw," Bruce replied after a moment's thought. No one disputed his claim.

"Huh...I don't know, really. Gryffindor sounds like a cool house, so I'll be in Gryffindor," Clint chimed in.

"You in Gryffindor? I think you're more of a Hufflepuff, Clint." Clint swatted at Natasha playfully.

"Oh yeah? And what house would you be in? Slytherin?"

Natasha smirked and nodded, much to Clint's dismay. "Why not? It is a house for the intelligent and the cunning."

Loki gave Natasha a high-five for that.

"I think I'd like to be in Hufflepuff, actually," Steve finally said. All eyes turned to him, surprised.

"Why not Gryffindor?" Tony asked.

Steve shrugged. "I don't know, Hufflepuff seems to be full of swell people and they are hardworking."

"No, you'd definitely be a Gryffindor, Rogers. Stop being so humble."

"Ah, so you believe Gryffindor is the best house, brother!"

"Nothing of the sort, Thor, but I know a brave man when I see one." Steve blushed at Loki's words and cleared his throat.

"What about the rest of you?"

"Ravenclaw or Hufflepuff," replied Coulson.

"Gryffindor or Slytherin," replied Fury.

Thor frowned at these answers.

"Why not choose one house? Surely neither of you wish to be a Hufflepuff or Slytherin."

"Hey!" Loki and Natasha cried. "Slytherin is a fine and noble house!"

Coulson shrugged and went back to his coffee.

"It takes a great deal of cunning to run an organization like SHIELD, Thor. Slytherin may have some bad eggs, but it is still a great house for the ambitious," Fury pointed out.

"Speaking of ambitious and cunning, don't you think Tony would make a great Slytherin?" Steve asked.

Tony choked on his cocoa at that and put it aside.

"What? Me? A Slytherin?"

"Why not, mortal? Do you lack ambition or cunning?"

"Well no, but c'mon guys, I'm totally a Gryffindor! Look at the colours of my suit!"

"That makes no difference, Tony. You're rich, privileged, ambitious, and run one of the largest corporations in the world."

"Why thank you, Natasha, but that still doesn't mean I'd be a Slytherin. I'm a superhero!"

"So? I'm part of the Avengers, too, and Director Fury runs SHIELD."

"Yeah, but he said he could be a Gryffindor!"

"Tony, what were you like when you were 11?" Bruce asked suddenly.

Tony didn't reply, glowering at all the gathered people in his living room. Everyone knew exactly how a spoiled rich kid like Tony Star was at 11; they didn't even need to look into his records.

"Couldn't I at least be a Ravenclaw?"

In the end, Loki enchanted a witch's hat (that he may or may not have stolen from the local costume shop) and placed it on Tony's head. Within seconds, the hat cried, "_SLYTHERIN!_" and within a second, Tony was screaming foul play because it was a hat enchanted by Loki.

He was still saying the hat was rigged even after everyone else got sorted as they expected (Coulson in Hufflepuff, Fury in Slytherin), but everyone ignored him as Loki proceeded to change all their clothes into wizarding robes with the right house colours.

Tony sulked for the rest of the evening, although while in the privacy of his own room, he had to admit, silver and green weren't bad colours for him at all.


End file.
